In my dreams

Every few months I have a dream that I am an amputee. Of course, a lot of times these dreams are a manifestation of my fears and worries. For example, sometimes in these dreams I have had my foot amputated due to doctor's advice, only to later find out that it wasn't necessary. Then there was the most recent dream where my prosthetic leg kept braking and I was trying to get crutches at a ski lodge so I could get around.

But mostly, I love it when I have these dreams. I think it goes without saying, that I would sprint as fast as I can to the hospital this instant and have both of my legs amputated at the hip, if that would mean that Eli could have two feet. But of course, life doesn't work like that. Eli is an amputee and I believe, that is God's plan for his life. So as Eli's mom, I struggle with not really being able to understand what it is like to live life as an amputee. Of course, as a mother to an amputee, I feel like I understand it very well, but I would never venture to say I know what it will be like for him, because I have two feet.

So when I have these dreams, it is a gift. Its my little way of "imagining" what life might be like as an amputee. Its hard to describe, but even though in these dreams I am never sad or upset about my foot being gone, I do seem to be kind of out of sorts. I always wake up thinking about how amazing Eli is and how strong his spirit is. I wish with everything that I am that I was wearing that prosthetic leg instead of him, but the truth is he handles it so much better than I think I would.

Even though he is still a baby and not walking and running around yet, I know he will amaze me time and time again. His status as an amputee will not hold him back. He is so much stronger than I am and I can't wait to watch him grow.