Confronting the Inevitable

It wasn't the first time, but last weekend I received some unsolicited advice about Eli's surgery. A woman said that she was very concerned as to why we were going to amputate Eli's foot and why we were going to do it when he was so young. I became very flustered and fought back tears as I tried to explain myself and why amputation was the best option for Eli.

I didn't handle the situation well at all. I tried to "convince" this woman, who had no idea what she was talking about, why we were doing the right thing for our son. Once I got home, I just got more and more angry. Why didn't I stand up to this woman and tell her off? Why did I allow her to make me question our decision?

It literally enrages me that someone would think that it was okay to give his or her opinion about the medical treatment of some one's child. Let alone, when they know absolutely nothing about the condition.

Its hard, because in general I am not good with confrontation. But I realize that I have to develop an approach to deal with these types of situations for two reasons, 1) they are bound to come up and 2) I need to set an example for Eli.

So earlier this week I emailed the I-CAN listserv and asked for advice. I received so many thoughtful responses. I am going to commit the following one liners to memory and practice saying them.

• "We certainly appreciate your concern for Eli, but we feel confident in the advice we have received from our medical team and others with FH."
• "At this point, it's not a question of whether or not to have surgery, or even when. We know surgery in May is the best decision, and I hope you can support us through the process."
• "I understand you may be curious about how and why we made this decision, so let me direct you to some resources so that you can become educated about FH."
• "Medical decisions regarding my son are personal and private and will be made by myself and his father with the advice of his doctor(s)."
  

My hope is that when I am faced with another situation like the one last weekend, I'll have a few responses at my finger tips. I know it is going to just take time, and I am sure it will always be hurtful, but I have to learn how to effectively deal with these situations for myself and for Eli. I have to learn how to do this, even when my heart is breaking.